Sunday, January 25, 2009
The power of influence and control that male doctors have over women is something to behold. Why are we women so easily coerced into doing things by the medical profession that we intuitively and factually know are not right for our own health and for our family? Why do we bow down to men suffering from MDiety Syndrome? Who are the real healers?
It never ceases to amaze me how readily a male doctor is to remove female body parts. Men certainly don’t allow their male organs to be removed en masse.
Why is this happening? Is it that male doctors think they can control women easily? Is it that women have been indoctrinated to believe that men are the authorities and disciplinarians? Is it some sort of intimidation or control factor? Do male doctors have an inappropriate self-perception of power? Is this a form of abuse?
I remember talking to a number of women in tears, browbeaten by their physician to take estrogen replacement therapy. They were told if they didn’t they would lose all their bones and have a heart attack. These women knew the advice wasn’t right, but often took the medication anyway. After battling and educating on this issue for over a decade, the long overdue day came when doctors did an about face on this issue. Just think of all the lives this bullying cost.
I find it interesting that men will ignore the advice of their doctor and can’t be dragged to a doctor in the first place unless they are half dead. Then there are women who can’t make the easiest decision about their own health on their own. They have to get agreement from their doctor before they can start the most basic natural health program, as if their doctor’s blessing somehow makes the program legitimate. They live haunted by their own doubts and uncertainties – appearing quite weak to anyone analyzing the situation.
When I was 20, I took rounds with a team of doctors and interns along with some other nursing students. This was part of my internship and I was expected to listen and observe. I was familiar with one of the patients that we visited. I had worked with her, read her charts, knew her diagnosis, and her medications. She stated that she was feeling anxious, this was new for her. The young doctor on her case hardly had time to review her current medications and immediately prescribed an anti-anxiety medication.
Being familiar with the patients’ medications and the side effects of each; thinking I could help her and naively not considering the real consequence, I asked the doctor very politely, “Do you think that the anti-depressant that she is taking could be causing her anxiety?” Abruptly, and in an instant, the doctor without an answer scolded me, “Don’t you ever question me or any doctor again!”
I went on in my life to become a natural health educator as I saw that my role in life was to help others know that it is very important that they take responsibility for their health. Yes, listen to your doctor, but understand all aspects of what they are telling you to do and know your options before making major decisions about your health care.
I taught everyone I could that it is very important to understand how to prevent illness and disease, this is your job, do not expect to learn how to do this from your doctor. Pull out your Physicians Desk Reference and use it as a tool. This book can now be found on line and lists all contra indications of medications (PDRHealth.com).
Be in the know when prescribed a medication by your doctor. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to a medication or surgery that you know is not in your best interest. Know your natural options, it is your right, you have the wherewithal to do this.
It hasn’t always been this way for women. After all, many years ago, it was women who were the gatherers while men were hunters. As gatherers women needed to know the nutritious and medicinal value of plants. They needed to know the toxic ones, the ones to avoid, and the ones to use to stay well and often time to save lives. Women were the healers, the doctors. This was their job to keep their children and themselves healthy.
Then, as time went on, men became more dominant, no longer with the sole role of hunters. As the agricultural society evolved men were needed to stay back and protect the land, the women and children.
Women eventually lost their role as the medicine woman, the doctors of their day. As science progressed it was men who got the higher education which was now needed to officially be a doctor. Women continued to be expected to stay home to care for the children. Patriarchy changed the role of women as healers.
I see that the many times that I have stood up for myself and my children with doctors regarding our health care has been well worth my effort. I have spent countless hours over the past 35 years educating myself on health and natural health options that work. I came up with health, dietary, nutritional supplementation, exercise, and activities protocols that worked so well in our family.
Our four children, now all grown adults, went through their childhood with virtually no medications or surgeries as I took the time to learn about health in general, the incorrect information that I had been told during my childhood and in nursing school, and I took the time to learn the other health and health preventative information that I had not been taught. Doing this has helped our family stay well, naturally.
Going outside the box, taking the initiative to dig to find the information I was missing was so important so that I could then make informed decisions and with confidence when communicating with doctors, nurses, dentists and the public school system.
I had the knowledge and the confidence to say “No, I do not want you to give my child all of those vaccinations. No, I do not want that antibiotic; I want to try natural remedies that work first. No, I do not want silver nitrate put in my child’s eyes after birth, he does not need it. No, I nor my children want x-rays every time we get our teeth cleaned. No, I do not want a flu shot and my children do not either. We do not get the flu, our immune systems are strong.”
Thirty-two years ago I had the knowledge and strength to also say, “No, I do not want drugs during childbirth, I want a natural childbirth.” At the time this was daring and cutting edge.
You may have similar stories and how you educated yourself and proactively stood up for you and your children. If so, you are one of the trail blazers, a leader, and an example for other women.
Educated women will be in the know and be empowered with comprehensive and accurate knowledge. When your doctor tells you something that you do not understand, or you do not have enough information about it to know if it is your best option, remember that you can always find access to the full information.
Instead of coming into a doctor’s office ready to “be a good student,” as Dr. Oz directed millions of women on the Oprah Show in early January of 2009 to do, know that assigning yourself your own homework is an essential part. Then, as an informed consumer, you will have the confidence to make the right decisions for you and your children and you will live a healthier, happier life.
If you have not yet taken such steps, it is not too late for you to take this approach. You may need some time to catch up on your health information. But you can certainly discard your subservience to male doctors in an instant. Beware of some of the women doctors who seem inclined to continue the dominance and were trained in the mold that caused MDiety Syndrome in the first place.
Now is the time for us women to team together and as one collective voice strengthen our responsibility and take an active role in our health and that of our children. This is what it really means to take charge of your health. It is our duty to be the real healers.
It never ceases to amaze me how readily a male doctor is to remove female body parts. Men certainly don’t allow their male organs to be removed en masse.
Why is this happening? Is it that male doctors think they can control women easily? Is it that women have been indoctrinated to believe that men are the authorities and disciplinarians? Is it some sort of intimidation or control factor? Do male doctors have an inappropriate self-perception of power? Is this a form of abuse?
I remember talking to a number of women in tears, browbeaten by their physician to take estrogen replacement therapy. They were told if they didn’t they would lose all their bones and have a heart attack. These women knew the advice wasn’t right, but often took the medication anyway. After battling and educating on this issue for over a decade, the long overdue day came when doctors did an about face on this issue. Just think of all the lives this bullying cost.
I find it interesting that men will ignore the advice of their doctor and can’t be dragged to a doctor in the first place unless they are half dead. Then there are women who can’t make the easiest decision about their own health on their own. They have to get agreement from their doctor before they can start the most basic natural health program, as if their doctor’s blessing somehow makes the program legitimate. They live haunted by their own doubts and uncertainties – appearing quite weak to anyone analyzing the situation.
When I was 20, I took rounds with a team of doctors and interns along with some other nursing students. This was part of my internship and I was expected to listen and observe. I was familiar with one of the patients that we visited. I had worked with her, read her charts, knew her diagnosis, and her medications. She stated that she was feeling anxious, this was new for her. The young doctor on her case hardly had time to review her current medications and immediately prescribed an anti-anxiety medication.
Being familiar with the patients’ medications and the side effects of each; thinking I could help her and naively not considering the real consequence, I asked the doctor very politely, “Do you think that the anti-depressant that she is taking could be causing her anxiety?” Abruptly, and in an instant, the doctor without an answer scolded me, “Don’t you ever question me or any doctor again!”
I went on in my life to become a natural health educator as I saw that my role in life was to help others know that it is very important that they take responsibility for their health. Yes, listen to your doctor, but understand all aspects of what they are telling you to do and know your options before making major decisions about your health care.
I taught everyone I could that it is very important to understand how to prevent illness and disease, this is your job, do not expect to learn how to do this from your doctor. Pull out your Physicians Desk Reference and use it as a tool. This book can now be found on line and lists all contra indications of medications (PDRHealth.com).
Be in the know when prescribed a medication by your doctor. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to a medication or surgery that you know is not in your best interest. Know your natural options, it is your right, you have the wherewithal to do this.
It hasn’t always been this way for women. After all, many years ago, it was women who were the gatherers while men were hunters. As gatherers women needed to know the nutritious and medicinal value of plants. They needed to know the toxic ones, the ones to avoid, and the ones to use to stay well and often time to save lives. Women were the healers, the doctors. This was their job to keep their children and themselves healthy.
Then, as time went on, men became more dominant, no longer with the sole role of hunters. As the agricultural society evolved men were needed to stay back and protect the land, the women and children.
Women eventually lost their role as the medicine woman, the doctors of their day. As science progressed it was men who got the higher education which was now needed to officially be a doctor. Women continued to be expected to stay home to care for the children. Patriarchy changed the role of women as healers.
I see that the many times that I have stood up for myself and my children with doctors regarding our health care has been well worth my effort. I have spent countless hours over the past 35 years educating myself on health and natural health options that work. I came up with health, dietary, nutritional supplementation, exercise, and activities protocols that worked so well in our family.
Our four children, now all grown adults, went through their childhood with virtually no medications or surgeries as I took the time to learn about health in general, the incorrect information that I had been told during my childhood and in nursing school, and I took the time to learn the other health and health preventative information that I had not been taught. Doing this has helped our family stay well, naturally.
Going outside the box, taking the initiative to dig to find the information I was missing was so important so that I could then make informed decisions and with confidence when communicating with doctors, nurses, dentists and the public school system.
I had the knowledge and the confidence to say “No, I do not want you to give my child all of those vaccinations. No, I do not want that antibiotic; I want to try natural remedies that work first. No, I do not want silver nitrate put in my child’s eyes after birth, he does not need it. No, I nor my children want x-rays every time we get our teeth cleaned. No, I do not want a flu shot and my children do not either. We do not get the flu, our immune systems are strong.”
Thirty-two years ago I had the knowledge and strength to also say, “No, I do not want drugs during childbirth, I want a natural childbirth.” At the time this was daring and cutting edge.
You may have similar stories and how you educated yourself and proactively stood up for you and your children. If so, you are one of the trail blazers, a leader, and an example for other women.
Educated women will be in the know and be empowered with comprehensive and accurate knowledge. When your doctor tells you something that you do not understand, or you do not have enough information about it to know if it is your best option, remember that you can always find access to the full information.
Instead of coming into a doctor’s office ready to “be a good student,” as Dr. Oz directed millions of women on the Oprah Show in early January of 2009 to do, know that assigning yourself your own homework is an essential part. Then, as an informed consumer, you will have the confidence to make the right decisions for you and your children and you will live a healthier, happier life.
If you have not yet taken such steps, it is not too late for you to take this approach. You may need some time to catch up on your health information. But you can certainly discard your subservience to male doctors in an instant. Beware of some of the women doctors who seem inclined to continue the dominance and were trained in the mold that caused MDiety Syndrome in the first place.
Now is the time for us women to team together and as one collective voice strengthen our responsibility and take an active role in our health and that of our children. This is what it really means to take charge of your health. It is our duty to be the real healers.
Friday, January 16, 2009
As America enters a new chapter in its existence, there is great hope that things will be better for everyone. Many young people feel that a new beginning is at hand; and young and old alike are all hoping for the best. My interest is to lend a hand to young women who are seeking to make their way in these challenging times. And for this occasion I have chosen to pass on the words of a rather unique woman leader. When I came upon her writing a few years ago I found it quite refreshing.
This is her message:
How can a young woman in America be prepared and prepare herself for all that life will bring to her? America is a country where, to its own undoing, individualism has reigned supreme.
The first period of a young woman’s existence is a period of preparation. The most extreme of our modern educators feel that it is not the education which is given that is of any value in the development of the individual, but that which is created and developed from within. So far is this principle carried by some advanced teachers that no student must be urged to follow any line of established fact or principle. Her imagination is chiefly fed by the recurrent thought of self-study and self-development; everything must come to her in a subjective form. Discipline is unknown because, in modern eyes, discipline is blind acceptance of what is, rather than what might be.
There can be but one result of this development: the miserable little victim, taught only to follow her own whims, comes face to face with life as it really is, and finds herself utterly unable to cope with its problems and difficulties. The essentials of all character-building must be developed in early life along lines far different from these. Discipline and order must be the foundations of any creative individualism.
Freedom of choice is indeed one of the greatest gifts possessed by mankind, but it must come to a well-trained and spiritually developed character, not to an ignorant and uninformed child. The young woman who faces her problems with high-souled courage and profound thought is generally the one who can look back to a childhood where order and discipline were accepted and understood, because of a great faith and a great love that lay behind and beyond all physical manifestation of law and order.
The young woman, then, whose early environment has taught her the necessity of self-control and self-discipline is ready to take her place in the general scheme of the universe. What a glorious sense of growing strength develops in the young woman who is constantly learning to understand her environment rather than herself!
The problem now facing the young woman of America is her utter inability to realize that her future can only be a logical development of her present. Her mental attitude pictures the distant years as a flowery period when the man of her destiny shall place at her feet the fruits of his toil, so that together they may wander through the sunny paths of life.
The average young woman does not really come into her own until she reaches the stage when the present ceases to be a desire for the possession of some coveted object, and the future ceases to be a vague dream of accomplishment without effort. With her maturity comes the growing sense of the enormous value of the immediate present and the conscious discarding of that rule of life which never does today what can be put off until tomorrow, and which, until now, has governed her every action.
Suddenly comes the awakening, the consciousness that no day is long enough to accomplish what should be done here and now. This desire to see something develop into immediate existence brings with it, however, an intolerance of the wasted hours of the past. The moment of discouragement and discontent with the past must be faced with a true courage which quickly leads to a present determination for other and better things.
Here we come back again to the habit of sustained effort acquired in our young woman’s early education. Once having established the doctrine of thoroughness, the value of hard, honest work becomes apparent. Never mind the nature of the work itself, the young woman’s responsibility lies in her own individual relation to it, to her home, and to the community as a whole.
Her power is the power of creation, but she must learn to receive before she can freely give. She must become clear of understanding before she can become forceful of expression; she must develop individuality before she strives for a freedom in which it may be expressed. She must be sure of having an open-minded and interested hearing for her own thoughts and ideas, so that they in turn may deepen and develop.
A woman’s appeal is supposed – it is said with scorn – to be an emotional appeal. Let us accept the fact and glory in it. Let us train our quick instincts and emotional reaction to be the biggest and best force in the community. As a motive power it is unsurpassed; its idealism, when used properly, can conquer any difficulty; its strength of purpose knows no defeat.
The individualism that has run riot in the last decade is neither cooperative nor creative. It is a form of egotism pure and simple. It causes the young woman to break down all standards of taste or consideration in her treatment of her own contemporaries or her manners towards older people. Manners are really nothing more than a sympathetic understanding of other people’s point of view. The young woman of the future will have too fine a self-respect to fail to recognize the rights of others.
What women throughout the country still need is a freer association with other women whose standards, social, intellectual and moral, are higher than their own. As a people we are too inclined to seek a lower standard for our recreation, to level down. Many a popular magazine secures a large circulation by fiction which is utterly valueless in quality; other publications containing literary and historical articles written by serious authors reach but a few homes.
In our recreation, as in our work, we want immediate results with minimum effort; to be entertained generally means to be relaxed. The splendid rest and refreshment that comes with a great, but different, intellectual or physical effort are known only to a few.
The ideal life would be for the daily existence to be so ordered that no definite holiday time would be necessary – each twenty-four hours would bring its own period of work, play, and rest. In our complicated civilization, this is well-nigh impossible.
The young woman whose leisure hours are spent amongst the precious works of art that the ages have provided will be less interested in spending her hard-earned salary in vying with her companions to dress in the most extreme and the most inappropriate of the season’s fashions.
The young woman whose taste has led her to seek for companionship the best writers and musicians of the past will create in her own environment and every-day life an opportunity for satisfying her hunger.
The newer and better liberty which has come to her will give her a deeper appreciation of the eternal feminine within her soul; she will learn to use and not to waste the love of the beautiful, the eternal desire to please. Her dress, her language, her accomplishments will fall into their natural positions, forming the attributes of a rounded and developed personality.
Our young women of the future will work as they have been created to work – with fearlessness, honesty of purpose, courage and determination, and with trained intelligence and moral integrity, ready to cope with life’s problems as they present themselves.
But above all and beyond all will be within her the woman, with a standard and an ultimate ideal, the woman who bears within herself the life of the generations yet unborn.
Anne Morgan – 1914
Excerpted from The American Girl
About Anne Morgan:
Anne Morgan is the daughter of J.P. Morgan, regarded by many as the greatest businessman of all time. He is in no small way responsible for raising the standard of living of Americans above the rest of the world. In his strong vision of corporate growth the rights of the individual worker were often overlooked. However, he was known to get a powerful earful from one of the only people who could stand up to him, his daughter, Anne. He once described her as “the woman who runs me.”
Anne was a woman of integrity who grew up in a life of privilege. Though she believed differently on many issues than her father, she never publicly dishonored him. She thought of him as “a man filled with the splendid spirit of the pioneer, a man of great vision and infinite capacity.” She saw her duty in life was to make good that which her father created.
She was a powerful advocate for women’s rights in the workplace, and played an active role in helping women secure the right to vote. In 1903 she helped create the Colony Club, the first women's social club in New York. She also established a clubroom in the Brooklyn Navy Yard so that workers could receive nutritious meals. From 1928 – 1943 she was president of the American Woman's Association.
During the peak of World War I (1914 -1917) she took up residence along the French front and established the American Fund for French Wounded, which after the war evolved into the American Friends for Devastated France. This was the first large-scale relief effort funded by a private citizen. In 1932, in honor of her relief work, she became the first American woman appointed a commander of the French Legion of Honor. She also led efforts to rebuild France after World War II.
Anne Morgan dedicated much of her life and virtually all of her wealth to helping others.
This is her message:
How can a young woman in America be prepared and prepare herself for all that life will bring to her? America is a country where, to its own undoing, individualism has reigned supreme.
The first period of a young woman’s existence is a period of preparation. The most extreme of our modern educators feel that it is not the education which is given that is of any value in the development of the individual, but that which is created and developed from within. So far is this principle carried by some advanced teachers that no student must be urged to follow any line of established fact or principle. Her imagination is chiefly fed by the recurrent thought of self-study and self-development; everything must come to her in a subjective form. Discipline is unknown because, in modern eyes, discipline is blind acceptance of what is, rather than what might be.
There can be but one result of this development: the miserable little victim, taught only to follow her own whims, comes face to face with life as it really is, and finds herself utterly unable to cope with its problems and difficulties. The essentials of all character-building must be developed in early life along lines far different from these. Discipline and order must be the foundations of any creative individualism.
Freedom of choice is indeed one of the greatest gifts possessed by mankind, but it must come to a well-trained and spiritually developed character, not to an ignorant and uninformed child. The young woman who faces her problems with high-souled courage and profound thought is generally the one who can look back to a childhood where order and discipline were accepted and understood, because of a great faith and a great love that lay behind and beyond all physical manifestation of law and order.
The young woman, then, whose early environment has taught her the necessity of self-control and self-discipline is ready to take her place in the general scheme of the universe. What a glorious sense of growing strength develops in the young woman who is constantly learning to understand her environment rather than herself!
The problem now facing the young woman of America is her utter inability to realize that her future can only be a logical development of her present. Her mental attitude pictures the distant years as a flowery period when the man of her destiny shall place at her feet the fruits of his toil, so that together they may wander through the sunny paths of life.
The average young woman does not really come into her own until she reaches the stage when the present ceases to be a desire for the possession of some coveted object, and the future ceases to be a vague dream of accomplishment without effort. With her maturity comes the growing sense of the enormous value of the immediate present and the conscious discarding of that rule of life which never does today what can be put off until tomorrow, and which, until now, has governed her every action.
Suddenly comes the awakening, the consciousness that no day is long enough to accomplish what should be done here and now. This desire to see something develop into immediate existence brings with it, however, an intolerance of the wasted hours of the past. The moment of discouragement and discontent with the past must be faced with a true courage which quickly leads to a present determination for other and better things.
Here we come back again to the habit of sustained effort acquired in our young woman’s early education. Once having established the doctrine of thoroughness, the value of hard, honest work becomes apparent. Never mind the nature of the work itself, the young woman’s responsibility lies in her own individual relation to it, to her home, and to the community as a whole.
Her power is the power of creation, but she must learn to receive before she can freely give. She must become clear of understanding before she can become forceful of expression; she must develop individuality before she strives for a freedom in which it may be expressed. She must be sure of having an open-minded and interested hearing for her own thoughts and ideas, so that they in turn may deepen and develop.
A woman’s appeal is supposed – it is said with scorn – to be an emotional appeal. Let us accept the fact and glory in it. Let us train our quick instincts and emotional reaction to be the biggest and best force in the community. As a motive power it is unsurpassed; its idealism, when used properly, can conquer any difficulty; its strength of purpose knows no defeat.
The individualism that has run riot in the last decade is neither cooperative nor creative. It is a form of egotism pure and simple. It causes the young woman to break down all standards of taste or consideration in her treatment of her own contemporaries or her manners towards older people. Manners are really nothing more than a sympathetic understanding of other people’s point of view. The young woman of the future will have too fine a self-respect to fail to recognize the rights of others.
What women throughout the country still need is a freer association with other women whose standards, social, intellectual and moral, are higher than their own. As a people we are too inclined to seek a lower standard for our recreation, to level down. Many a popular magazine secures a large circulation by fiction which is utterly valueless in quality; other publications containing literary and historical articles written by serious authors reach but a few homes.
In our recreation, as in our work, we want immediate results with minimum effort; to be entertained generally means to be relaxed. The splendid rest and refreshment that comes with a great, but different, intellectual or physical effort are known only to a few.
The ideal life would be for the daily existence to be so ordered that no definite holiday time would be necessary – each twenty-four hours would bring its own period of work, play, and rest. In our complicated civilization, this is well-nigh impossible.
The young woman whose leisure hours are spent amongst the precious works of art that the ages have provided will be less interested in spending her hard-earned salary in vying with her companions to dress in the most extreme and the most inappropriate of the season’s fashions.
The young woman whose taste has led her to seek for companionship the best writers and musicians of the past will create in her own environment and every-day life an opportunity for satisfying her hunger.
The newer and better liberty which has come to her will give her a deeper appreciation of the eternal feminine within her soul; she will learn to use and not to waste the love of the beautiful, the eternal desire to please. Her dress, her language, her accomplishments will fall into their natural positions, forming the attributes of a rounded and developed personality.
Our young women of the future will work as they have been created to work – with fearlessness, honesty of purpose, courage and determination, and with trained intelligence and moral integrity, ready to cope with life’s problems as they present themselves.
But above all and beyond all will be within her the woman, with a standard and an ultimate ideal, the woman who bears within herself the life of the generations yet unborn.
Anne Morgan – 1914
Excerpted from The American Girl
About Anne Morgan:
Anne Morgan is the daughter of J.P. Morgan, regarded by many as the greatest businessman of all time. He is in no small way responsible for raising the standard of living of Americans above the rest of the world. In his strong vision of corporate growth the rights of the individual worker were often overlooked. However, he was known to get a powerful earful from one of the only people who could stand up to him, his daughter, Anne. He once described her as “the woman who runs me.”
Anne was a woman of integrity who grew up in a life of privilege. Though she believed differently on many issues than her father, she never publicly dishonored him. She thought of him as “a man filled with the splendid spirit of the pioneer, a man of great vision and infinite capacity.” She saw her duty in life was to make good that which her father created.
She was a powerful advocate for women’s rights in the workplace, and played an active role in helping women secure the right to vote. In 1903 she helped create the Colony Club, the first women's social club in New York. She also established a clubroom in the Brooklyn Navy Yard so that workers could receive nutritious meals. From 1928 – 1943 she was president of the American Woman's Association.
During the peak of World War I (1914 -1917) she took up residence along the French front and established the American Fund for French Wounded, which after the war evolved into the American Friends for Devastated France. This was the first large-scale relief effort funded by a private citizen. In 1932, in honor of her relief work, she became the first American woman appointed a commander of the French Legion of Honor. She also led efforts to rebuild France after World War II.
Anne Morgan dedicated much of her life and virtually all of her wealth to helping others.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Should I stand and be counted, or keep to myself? Should I say what I know is right, or let things slide? Which battles are worth fighting, or is there another way? Should I stand up for my principles, even if someone else might not approve?
These are points of integrity that often vary from person to person – yet have a profound influence on your sense of self-honesty. How you set your priorities on this topic will have a significant impact on the quality of your relationships and your ability to truly be happy and live with yourself.
I notice that I have a particular disdain for individuals who are not up front and honest – often having a hidden agenda of one type or another. They pretend to be your friend when instead they are calculating how they can use your good heartedness or control you to get what they want while also working hard to get you and others to think highly of them. It is quite a feat they seemingly have mastered.
Whatever the reasons or motivations, these people eventually get stuck in the web of their own deceit. They come in all sizes and shapes – passive-aggressive, Jekyll and Hyde – what you see is seldom what you really get.
On the top of my list of such personality traits is the goodie-two-shoes – sometimes quiet, sometimes a slick talker, sometimes friendly, appearing to be so well meaning – yet ready to stab you in the back when you least expect it.
I feel that children who grow up without other siblings have some disadvantage. Siblings offer early exposure to many life lessons. In my opinion, the more lessons you can learn at home the better you are prepared to deal with life.
My sister, a year younger than I, has been a classic goodie-two-shoes personality; doing whatever she could to appease and please my father. In his eyes she could do no wrong. I had a much more outspoken and direct approach to life, stating out loud when I felt something that was not right, not fair, or not true.
I shared a bedroom with my sister as a young girl. One day, when I was about age 10 years old, I went to my bedroom after school to begin my homework. My sister was at her desk working away. I noticed that the window in our bedroom was broken and I asked her what happened. Her response was that she did not know.
Suddenly our father entered our room. He asked in an upset tone of voice, “Who broke the window??” I responded that I did not know, at which point my sister boldly stated, “Mary told me that she broke it!” My eyes bugged out of my head, as all of a sudden according to her I not only broke the window, I even told her I broke it. It was a double whammy. I stood there and reputed this as both of her statements were untrue.
My sister continued to insist that her story was in fact what happened. She was so convincing and had a long running reputation with my father as being the quiet “perfect” daughter that caused no trouble. That is as far as he could see, unaware of what really went on when he was not around.
I stood there and took a punishment for breaking the window and for lying.
It hurt me so much; I remember crying more from the pain of not being believed. Why wouldn’t my father believe me? Was it because I spoke up? Was it because at times I questioned what I was being told? Was it because he equated a verbal daughter who had opinions and who stood up for herself with someone who was wrong?
I knew right then and there that I never wanted to be like my sister. I could never behave a certain way just to please someone. Nor put someone else in jeopardy to save myself from an undesirable consequence. I would have nothing to do with being fake, manipulative, or coming across with a goodie-two-shoes façade.
That day taught me a lesson that has remained with me: that my happiness would be what I created in my life and it would be based on actions that were held to a certain level of integrity and honesty. My acid test was to strive to be the same person on both sides of the door. I would be the same person in public that I was in private. I would stand up for myself even though it may not be popular at the time with others.
While I certainly didn’t like what my sister did that day, the lesson I learned gave me a valuable heads up on what was coming in the “real world.” For one thing, as an adult I have been able to recognize this personality trait in others more easily. This has saved a lot of time and unnecessary stress. For this, I am thankful.
Holding myself to a higher standard of behavior has made a big difference for me. Think about it – how true are your actions to what you know is right? It is often harder to do the right things, but in my experience it has always benefited me in the long run.
What I did not know then but do know now is that this trait is also fundamental to a sense of personal strength and commitment. There is no virtue in being seen and not heard, the lesson my father and my schooling sought to instill in me. There is virtue in doing what you know is right and living your life so that all your actions are consistent in this way. This often means standing up and speaking out, regardless of the consequences. You have a choice.
These are points of integrity that often vary from person to person – yet have a profound influence on your sense of self-honesty. How you set your priorities on this topic will have a significant impact on the quality of your relationships and your ability to truly be happy and live with yourself.
I notice that I have a particular disdain for individuals who are not up front and honest – often having a hidden agenda of one type or another. They pretend to be your friend when instead they are calculating how they can use your good heartedness or control you to get what they want while also working hard to get you and others to think highly of them. It is quite a feat they seemingly have mastered.
Whatever the reasons or motivations, these people eventually get stuck in the web of their own deceit. They come in all sizes and shapes – passive-aggressive, Jekyll and Hyde – what you see is seldom what you really get.
On the top of my list of such personality traits is the goodie-two-shoes – sometimes quiet, sometimes a slick talker, sometimes friendly, appearing to be so well meaning – yet ready to stab you in the back when you least expect it.
I feel that children who grow up without other siblings have some disadvantage. Siblings offer early exposure to many life lessons. In my opinion, the more lessons you can learn at home the better you are prepared to deal with life.
My sister, a year younger than I, has been a classic goodie-two-shoes personality; doing whatever she could to appease and please my father. In his eyes she could do no wrong. I had a much more outspoken and direct approach to life, stating out loud when I felt something that was not right, not fair, or not true.
I shared a bedroom with my sister as a young girl. One day, when I was about age 10 years old, I went to my bedroom after school to begin my homework. My sister was at her desk working away. I noticed that the window in our bedroom was broken and I asked her what happened. Her response was that she did not know.
Suddenly our father entered our room. He asked in an upset tone of voice, “Who broke the window??” I responded that I did not know, at which point my sister boldly stated, “Mary told me that she broke it!” My eyes bugged out of my head, as all of a sudden according to her I not only broke the window, I even told her I broke it. It was a double whammy. I stood there and reputed this as both of her statements were untrue.
My sister continued to insist that her story was in fact what happened. She was so convincing and had a long running reputation with my father as being the quiet “perfect” daughter that caused no trouble. That is as far as he could see, unaware of what really went on when he was not around.
I stood there and took a punishment for breaking the window and for lying.
It hurt me so much; I remember crying more from the pain of not being believed. Why wouldn’t my father believe me? Was it because I spoke up? Was it because at times I questioned what I was being told? Was it because he equated a verbal daughter who had opinions and who stood up for herself with someone who was wrong?
I knew right then and there that I never wanted to be like my sister. I could never behave a certain way just to please someone. Nor put someone else in jeopardy to save myself from an undesirable consequence. I would have nothing to do with being fake, manipulative, or coming across with a goodie-two-shoes façade.
That day taught me a lesson that has remained with me: that my happiness would be what I created in my life and it would be based on actions that were held to a certain level of integrity and honesty. My acid test was to strive to be the same person on both sides of the door. I would be the same person in public that I was in private. I would stand up for myself even though it may not be popular at the time with others.
While I certainly didn’t like what my sister did that day, the lesson I learned gave me a valuable heads up on what was coming in the “real world.” For one thing, as an adult I have been able to recognize this personality trait in others more easily. This has saved a lot of time and unnecessary stress. For this, I am thankful.
Holding myself to a higher standard of behavior has made a big difference for me. Think about it – how true are your actions to what you know is right? It is often harder to do the right things, but in my experience it has always benefited me in the long run.
What I did not know then but do know now is that this trait is also fundamental to a sense of personal strength and commitment. There is no virtue in being seen and not heard, the lesson my father and my schooling sought to instill in me. There is virtue in doing what you know is right and living your life so that all your actions are consistent in this way. This often means standing up and speaking out, regardless of the consequences. You have a choice.
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